Trival Pursuit
by eldaran
Summary: just read and review... ill take it fromthere


DISCLAIMER: any character used in this is not mine... they belong to someone else... don't ask me who, im not Einstein...  
  
Dreaming  
  
It was late on a Friday afternoon and the X-men were sitting in the rec room for a friendly game of Trivial Pursuit. Wolverine, Jean, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Toad and Gambit sat in three pairs around the table waiting as Rogue and Storm entered, fashionably late... as always.  
Around the board in this order and in pairs they sat this way:  
Wolverine and Cyclops, Nightcrawler and Rogue, Jean and Toad, Storm and Gambit.  
  
"C'mon darlin's, we can't wait all night for ya to put on ya makeup." Wolverine smirked as they sat down.  
  
Rogue flashed Wolverine a dirty look and snarled, "Whatever furball, ya know we 'ave to put Xavier to bed early these days... he's getting' too old to play games with us..."  
  
"No more fighting... let's play..." Storm smiled.  
  
As they put their pieces on the board and started playing, strange lights started flashing outside and in through the window, bright and white, they almost blinded them all. Nightcrawler ran over to the window and peered out, trying to see what was breaking up the game.  
  
"What is it Kurt?" Jean asked, looking over.  
  
"Von of zose damn UFO's again Jean, vould you like to do zee honours?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow to her.  
  
In an instant, the UFO was flying across the sky, away from the mansion and Kurt returned to the game.  
  
"Ok, Wolvie, Cyke, what is the capital of Italy?" Toad asked.  
  
"Venice!" Cyke called, not caring to consult with Wolverine.  
  
"It's Rome you dork!" Wolverine cried, slapping him across the back of the head.  
  
Toad nodded to Wolverine who unsheathed his claws and stood up, ripping them up Cyke's spine, inevitably killing him.  
  
"One down seven ta go..." Gambit muttered, looking at the box that lay near his feet.   
  
On the top of the box were printed the words 'Suicide Trivial Pursuit' and in smaller letters, 'the best fun you can have with your friends before they die!'.  
  
As Wolverine took up the next card, blood dripped from the ends of his claws, falling on the board and smudging some of the print.  
"Wolvie!" Rogue cried, wiping the blood away.  
  
"Ya want a piece o' adamantium too huh darlin?" Wolverine smiled, putting his claws closer to her face than comfortable.  
  
"Ah'll be fine sugah..." Rogue smiled defensively.  
  
"Ororo, Cajun, here's ya question... who is the president of the USA?" Wolverine smiled, knowing that one of them would be killed soon as per the rules of the game.  
  
"Well, technically no one." Storm said aloud.  
  
"George W Bush tha' second." Gambit smiled.  
  
"Sorry Weather Queen, we gotta take ya first answer... Cajun, ya know the deal." Wolverine said, a wide grin covering his face.  
  
"Ya bet Gambit does!" He smiled triumphantly, taking his pole and putting one end in Storm's mouth and charging it.   
  
Her head exploded, throwing pieces of brain matter and other gorey things around the room and over everyone involved.  
  
At this moment, Beast waltzes in.  
  
"Hello comrades, might I ask what you are all participating in and why there are a dead Scott and pieces of a dead Ororo hanging around the room?" Beast said, sitting down near the game.  
  
"It's called Suicide Trivial Pursuit Beast... zee voman upstairs told uz to play..." Nightcrawler said, "An' juz for zee sake of saying, zee voman upstairs is absolutely gorgeous."  
  
"So this bitch upstairs tells you to play a game where you will all, bar one, eventually be killed, and you agree? Don't you think it's just alittle idiotic?" Beast asks.  
  
The woman upstairs (ME!) reaches down into the room, a field forming around her arm. She takes Beast in her hand and booms loudly, "IDIOTIC? I'LL TELL YOU WHATS IDIOTIC! TURNING YOURSELF INTO A BLUE FURRY MONSTER... I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY, YOU INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE!"   
  
With that, she squeezes Beast until his eyes bulge and his brain pounds and suddenly BOOM!, he explodes, throwing more guts over the remaining X-men. The woman upstairs puts her hand next to Nightcrawler, running a finger up his side lovingly before retracting her hand and waiting for more action.  
  
Gambit shrugs to the others as he takes the next card, flipping it in his fingers as he asks the question, "Jean, Toad, what is da most important item in a fanfic?"  
  
Jean looks quizzically at him, "A good story line?"  
Toad smiles, thinking for a moment, "A damn good writer and characters."  
  
Gambit frowns, "Dat's two things Toad... pick one."  
  
Toad, fumbling with his thumbs whispers, "Characters?"  
  
"Hail the almighty Mortimer Toynbee..." Gambit smiles as he waves goodbye to Jean.  
  
"You mean to say my powers didn't work?" Jean said, shocked.  
  
"It's the woman up stairs rules... sorry Jean." Gambit shrugged, still smiling as Toad licks her face, and breathing on her.  
  
Jean coughs vigorously and turns a pale green, putting her hands to her neck, "Toad... when was... the last time you... brushed your... teeeeeee.."   
  
Falling over, she knocks her head upon the edge of the lounge, but that doesn't matter, she's already dead.  
  
"Ooops..." Toad grins, flashing his mouldy teeth and picking up the next card, "Next question... Rogue, Nightcrawler, who is the leader of the X-men?"  
  
"Ooo, oo, I know this one!" Rogue smiles excitedly, "Jubilee!"  
  
Nightcrawler laughs evilly, "It's Cyke, or atleast it vas..." He hits her hard over the back with his tail, the tip accidentally piercing her suit and skin... or atleast he thought it was accidental, "Shit..." he says, unconvincingly.  
  
Nightcrawler shrugs as he picks up a card from the pile, turning to Wolverine and Toad, "Zis is a question viz three questions vithin it. So no killings until all zee questions have been answered, ok?"  
  
Wolverine and Toad nod, both ready.  
  
"Vhat... is your name?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Logan." Wolverine replied.  
  
"Mortimer." Toad smiles.  
  
"Vhat... is your favourite colour?" Kurt says.  
  
"Blood-red." Wolverine smiles getting anxious.  
  
"Green." Toad replies.  
  
"Last question... Vhat... is your quest?" Kurt smiles.  
  
"To make a mockery of the world Elf." Wolverine says.  
"To slime..." Toad smiles.  
  
Kurt frowns, "I do not know who zee vinner is..."  
  
"HANG ON A SECOND!" booms the woman upstairs, "KURT, THERE IS ONE MORE QUESTION..."  
  
"Oh, yes, thankyou mein freund." Kurt smiles, "Vhat... is zee air speed velocity of a sparrow?"  
  
"I... I don't know." Toad sulks.  
  
"African or American?" Wolverine asks Kurt.  
  
"You vin Wolverine... slice and dice..." Kurt says.  
  
Wolverine, not having resheathed his claws since his attack on Cyke, pushes them roughly through Toads guts and starts twisting them around, a barely conscious Toad on the end.  
  
"How'd ya like that Green Guts?" Wolverine asks, pulling his claws out and pushing Toad over, dead... like so many others in this room.  
  
Gambit looks to the remaining players and smiles, reading the next card to Nightcrawler and Wolverine, "Dis is it mon ami... what brand of cigarettes do Gambit smoke?"  
  
Both Nightcrawler and Wolverine looked confused to Gambit, who looked confused back.  
  
"Oi! Darlin' upstairs!" Wolverine called.  
  
"YES?" the woman upstairs asks.  
  
"Who vins?" Nightcrawler asked.  
  
"WHAT WAS THA' QUESTION? AND THE ANSWERS?" the woman upstairs asks.  
  
"What brand of cigarettes do Gambit smoke? Not even Gambit know de answer to dat." Gambit says.  
  
"OH BUGGER!" the woman upstairs cries, muttering something to the cat on her lap, which consequently jumps down and presses the 'ENTER' button on its way, causing the woman to be flashed into the mansion. She flicks her head softly, waving out her brown hair as she walks towards the game, her hips flicking. With soft eyes she looks over the game.  
  
"Well darlin', what's it to be? Me or the Elf?" Wolverine asked.  
  
"Hmm," the woman thought, looking at them both, "Well, Wolvie, doll, every good fanfic writer knows you don't have good relationships, and since I'm in the line for something long and good..."  
  
The woman lifted a finger and said, "Piss off..." In a cloud of smoke and magical stars, Wolverine disappeared and the woman waved to Nightcrawler as she disappeared as well, taking up her seat again upstairs.  
  
"Well, it's down to us Gambit, it's been nice knowin' ya all these years." Nightcrawler smiled.  
  
"Gambit already know who will win. Someone has been playin' around with tha' woman, ain't they..." Gambit looked sternly to Nightcrawler.  
  
"Hey, I can't help if zee woman has a thin' for German men!" Nightcrawler smirked.  
  
"STOP THIS AT ONCE!" the woman bellowed, "I WILL ASK THE QUESTION, AND THE PERSON WHO GETS IT WRONG, WILL EAT THE APPLE TURNOVER THAT HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE FRIDGE FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS!"  
  
They both made icky faces and sat down quietly, not wanting to piss her off.  
  
"WHY HAVE I WRITTEN SUCH A STUPID FANFIC?" the woman asked.  
  
"It is not stupid chere, tis just not wha' ya normally write." Gambit smiled.  
  
"Because you vere bored mein freund?" Nightcrawler said nervously.  
  
"YOU KNOW KURT... YOU BORE ME... YOUR ABILITIES SUCK EGGS... AND YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A SOPPY GUY..." the woman cried, "REMY, GO GET THE APPLE TURNOVER..."  
  
"Ah, Gambit thinks Rogue fed it to Charles for desert..." Gambit said.  
  
The woman looks in her fridge, "OH YEAH... WHOOPS..."  
  
"Vee can't very well both vin..." Nightcrawler sighed, "An' didn't you rate me over Wolverine on our relationship standards a second ago?"  
  
"I AM WOMAN... I HAVE PMS AND I WILL STRIKE ANYTHING THAT PISSES ME OFF!"  
  
Suddenly the woman's cat appeared in the room.  
  
"BRISKIT... ATTACK!" the woman cried.  
  
The cat, known only as Briskit, jumped on Kurt's shoulder, clawing wildly at his neck and face. His yellow bulbs for eyes popped from his head and blood dripped down his face as he screamed in pain. Briskit made its way down Kurt's body, shredding it into tiny slices, leaving the most important part for last, his genitalia. Briskit looked upwards and meowed hopefully.  
  
The woman zips in, appearing in all her glory and smiles, "Go ahead Briskit, make sure they're nice an' soft before ya eat them though, I don't want to have to explain it to a vet when they get stuck in your throat..."  
  
Gambit walks up to the woman, "What can Gambit call ya chere?"  
  
"Call me anything but late for dinner hon..." the woman smiles as Gambit picks her up in his big strong arms and smashes out the window, sweeping her out into the night.  
  
THE END  
  
*don't blame me for the crapness of this fanfic... I was bored... I had to write...  



End file.
